My sanity is in a very brittle state. Finals have creeped their way into my life yet again. I thought, by this point, I would have a better handle on the stress and anxiety that comes along with the sheer horror of proving I know my stuff through written word and laboratory practicums. Ha. Not even close. I haven't been able to sleep in over a week. My stomach aches constantly and heart palpitations have become a regular part of my everyday life. On average, I have the feeling of ice water being dumped down my back or injected into my veins at least twice a day. My gut bottoms out and I have to gulp in large amounts of air to try to steady myself and hold onto my vision when I think about what will happen to me and my family if I blow it...
And now, I have the greatest of all detractors added into this quagmire of stress: financial problems. I'm trying to find a way to refinance my student loans but with everything else going on with school and work and kids and life, it's been difficult to get a moment to sit down and figure out a way to get another loan. Money is ridiculously tight right now and I've only been able to make partial payments to the school for the amounts I owe that aren't covered by government financial aid. I now owe over two thousand dollars and I have to pay it before they will let me take my finals on Monday. I need a student loan and I needed it yesterday...
It's so frustrating to me. All I want to do is get my degree. This is a good thing. This is something that will benefit the community in the long run. It's something that not everyone can do. And I'm here, waving my arms in the air, shouting: pick me! pick me! I'll do it! I'll be under appreciated, underpaid, have strangers vomit/bleed/poop/pee on me! I'm all for it!
Only there's no one out there to lend a hand in financing my dream. I wonder what hospital bank CEO's go to? I wonder if they realize that one day, sooner or later, they will need a nurse's care. And I wonder if there will be anyone there to assist them.
Being poor sucks.
1 comment:
its good to know i'm not the only one overwhelmed by school, work, family, etc. even though my situation pales in comparison with yours sincei dont have kids. rach i believe in you!!! you can do this! things will fall into place! i miss and love your guts.
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