Turbulence

Finals are over. I'm am relieved that I'm already medicated for anxiety because I've just survived the most frustrating, scary, intimidating, exhausting week of my life and without pharmaceuticals, things could have been much worse. Much, much, worse.

Here's the lowdown:

Anatomy: B
Whew. Thank the good graces of the Anatomy Gods. Sometimes I think my brain cells are too old to keep in so many terms and diagrams. But I managed to pull it off.

Math 101: A
First "A" ever in my history as a math student. That says something about how amazingly great (and cute!) my Math teacher was.

Strategies for Success: A
This is one of those bullcrap classes everyone has to take. It's purpose is to enlighten the budding student with great study processes and learning techniques. For me, it was a kick ass instructor and I, talking about NPR and Ira Glass for two hours a week. Duh. Of course I got an A!

Nursing Fundamentals: A

I loved my instructor for this class. She is a painfully good nurse and that makes for a wonderful teacher. She always had nice things to say about me too...so of course I thought she was the best! I spent a few hours a week playing with dosage calculations, figuring out the rate to run an infusion pump to administer the correct medication dose and practiced reading doctor's orders. I was in heaven! It was like a dress rehearsal for clinicals. I can't wait for more!

Organic Chemistry: B
I was surprised I got a "B". I really felt like I was living in "C" land most of the term so needless to say, Rachel had a mini stroke when she was handed her final report card to see a big, fat, juicy "F" under the Organic Chemistry heading.

HOLY
CRAP
ON
A
CRACKER.

Turns out to pass the class, you have to get at least a 70% on the comprehensive final. I was vaguely aware of this at the start of the term, but was unaware my score was so close to the cut-off. I rolled a lovely 68%. That's right. I passed the class but missed the completion points needed to pass the final by ONE QUESTION! **insert giant Rachel breakdown in the education office, complete with hysterical tears in front of the nursing program director**

I've never, ever failed anything before in my life! (Except for classes the last quarter of high school that I never showed up for...) I studied my butt off! I lived and breathed that class and I still wasn't able to pull the score. The toughest part about it is that some of the questions I got wrong, I knew in my soul of souls that I had correct. I contacted my instructor about said questions and he assured me that no change would be made to the score. I sat down with my program director to explain the problem and although she agreed with me on a few of my arguments, in the end she felt it was up to my instructor to make the final call and well, he wasn't going back on his grade. Yay for me fighting for my rights and thus being made the example.

Ugh. So, now I'm considered "off track" in my studies. I'm not allowed to take any nursing classes (sniff, sniff :( ) until I pass Organic Chemistry. Yup...I have to take the class again. And with the same instructor, no less. Today was my first class and let me just say one word. Awkward. I think he had a good idea I was sending him hot pokers from my eyes directly into his while also imagining myself kicking him in the face with a golf shoe.

A stipulation of my "off track" status was to submit a letter to my program director and schedule a hearing with her and the other nursing board members in order to be given permission to be allowed back into the program. The letter needed to explain the "barriers" that kept me from passing the class the first time and also what I would do to make sure these same "barriers" didn't hinder my progress a second time.

As I sat down to type the letter, my first impulse was to scream for an hour or so. Then I wanted to write the nastiest, most terrible letter about how my instructor ruined my life, was a horrible teacher, taught us the wrong way to do equations but corrected his mistakes in time for the test questions which we all got wrong, took away points for questions I know I answered correctly which forced me to retake the class, setting me back a whole quarter and costing me another $2,500 dollars. All over two stinking points...

But I didn't. I outlined my new game plan. And that's exactly what this program is...a game. I was trying to be a good student but what I really need to be is a good player. It's all politics and who you know or better yet, who you piss off or don't piss off.

I explained in my letter that a contributing issue to my failing the final was due to time management. I promised to allot additional time for study and reading than I had the previous quarter and also to spearhead a group study effort in my new class. I also explained that if I was going to have to retake the whole class again, and since I was already familiar with the course information, that that would put me in a great position to become a peer tutor. I offered that if my additional education put me in the place to help other struggling nursing students when it came to this difficult class, that maybe it was worth missing that one question and thus being short those two points.

It's been a rough few days, trying to adjust to my failures. I've never been one to really give myself a pat on the back, so this outcome hasn't really been the best for my mood or my already dwindling ability to cope with life in general. I'm trying very hard to not let this situation sit and fester in my bones but if you weren't aware that I'm the most stubborn person ever created then this may surprise you. I will probably be mourning over this grade for the rest of my days...